Save Yourself
The real reason she couldn’t move on.
Received an email yesterday
From a 30-year old girl - let’s call her Neha.
”I have written this mail to you many times in my head, hoping I would someday gather the courage to actually send it across and receive some advice or mentorship that could help me figure my life out better.
I am turning 30 and am based out of Kolkata.
I work in a small brokerage company in sell-side equity research.
I completed my MBA from **** in 2019.
Since then, I have been in Kolkata starting with **** in a Relationship Manager role in corporate banking sales before eventually switching to a core finance role.
I feel stuck in the slowness of Kolkata.
I have applied multiple times outside the city but never truly gathered the courage to move, and the compensation outside never felt attractive enough either.
My parents are aging rapidly my father is 65+ and my mother is 60+.
I live with them, which has naturally made me comfortable, although I come from a family that values education, independence, and freedom.
Nobody has ever controlled my choices.
My recent breakup, however, has shaken me deeply.
This was my third relationship, and for the first time, I genuinely thought I would marry this person.
I am an emotionally sensitive person, and I always wanted communication, emotional intimacy, and problem-solving.
But he avoided difficult conversations because he had grown up seeing conflict at home and wanted “peace” at all costs.
He would comply with plans but rarely make efforts himself.
He had a huge social circle family and friends while I had almost none.
He was emotionally unavailable even on important occasions like my birthday.
Even after the breakup, he said he realized his mistakes and wanted to fix things after my exam, but that never truly happened. I wrote long paragraphs trying to explain my feelings, needs, and emotional pain, but I would mostly receive silence or emotional avoidance.
Now he has moved to Bangalore for a new job - something I had encouraged him to do for years.
Through social media and mutual connections, I can see him implementing many of the boundaries and life changes I once requested from him.
I have finally blocked him, but emotionally I have not moved on.
I have become addicted to AI conversations, astrology analyses, and trying to understand whether my relationships are somehow karmic because astrologically I apparently have Saturn and Ketu in the 7th house indicating difficult lessons in partnerships/relationships and marriage.
Some days I feel better and hopeful. Other days, like today, I hit absolute rock bottom.
I am really hoping to hear from you and receive some guidance.
Here was my exact reply:
Here is the honest truth, Neha.
You are not lost.
You are just comfortable in your misery.
The truth is, you are using your past, your CFA failures, and even astrology as a shield to avoid the one thing that scares you: taking full responsibility for your life.
You’ve spent years waiting for a partner to prioritize you, for a job to discover you, and for stars to align for you.
None of that is coming.
No one is coming to save you, Neha!
You feel like you’ve lost a "best friend," but a best friend doesn't ask you to compromise your self respect for their family's approval.
You aren't mourning a relationship; you are mourning a version of yourself that you sacrificed to keep the relationship alive.
STOP checking his life in Bangalore.
He isn't "changing" for someone else - he is simply moving on.
It’s time you did the same.
Here is what you need to do, starting today:
1. Stop the Search for Meaning:
Stop the AI conversations and astrology.
They are digital drugs used to numb your anxiety.
Delete the apps.
Surrender to reality, not a chart.
2. Move out:
You’ve been in Kolkata for years saying the compensation isn't "attractive enough" to leave.
The cost of staying is your mental health.
Apply for jobs in Bangalore, Mumbai, or Delhi.
Take the first decent offer and go.
3. Accept the CFA:
You tried and it didn't work out.
Stop chasing it as if it is the solution to all your misery.
Use that energy to become the best at your current job while you look for the next one.
4. Physicality over Philosophy:
You cannot think your way out of a broken heart, but you can move your way out.
Start walking for 30 minutes a day.
No music and no podcasts. Just you and the road/treadmill.
Or hit the gym.
Get some sunlight.
Eat well.
Sleep for 8 hours.
Stop all social media.
You are 29. You are young enough to start over, but old enough to know better.
The "void" you feel isn't because he left; it's because you haven't shown up for yourself yet.
No one is coming to save you.
So save yourself.
Book I am reading
Still reading The Racket by Conor Niland.
Hard hitting, funny and super real.
Conor was Ireland’s no. 1 Tennis Player and ranked 128 in the world - which is no mean feat. The book is his autobiography and a harsh reminder of how brutal the world of sports is - because only those at the top manage to live off it, while others (imagine being 128th in the entire world) have it extremely tough.
Here is a list of all books I have shared in this newsletter.
3-2-1
3 pics from last week
Having fun with ChatGPT images. This is our daughter Uzma’s class :)
Working in the gorgeous afternoon sun.
Birthday dinner with friends :)
(Ruchi, Sumona, Mitika - birthday girl, Prameet, me)
2 quotes I wish to share
You do not need a new plan.
You need to do the old plan you abandoned in March.
In your 20s, you are young enough to start over, but old enough to know better.
1 new thing I learnt this week
The Indian Ocean is the only ocean named after a country - there’s Pacific (from “peaceful”), Atlantic (from Atlas), Arctic (from “bear”), and Antarctic (opposite of Arctic).
Only the Indian Ocean carries a country’s name.
Greeks called it Indikon Pelagos 2,000 years ago.
No other country has an ocean named after it.
Quiz of the week
Last week I asked: Which is the only country in the world that has a non-rectangular national flag?
The correct answer is Nepal.
Nearly 900 people got this answer right.
The lucky winner last week is Apeksha Deshpande (ape****5@gmail.com)
Question of the week (don’t Google or ask AI!):
Which Indian company was the first to cross a market cap of ₹1 lakh crore on the Indian stock exchange?
Reply with your answer, and I will pick one random winner with the right answer.
They will get a signed copy of a book of mine :))
PS: This section is inspired by Capitalmind’s awesome weekly newsletter - you should subscribe to it - terrific personal finance content.
🎙️ My top content from last week
🏦 YouTube Finance: Why is GenZ taking loans?
📹 YouTube Career: In-demand AI Skills
📱 Instagram: Long distance made us stronger
🐥 Twitter: My views on GenZ
You can, of course, always write to me by simply replying to this newsletter.
I love reading all your emails, even though I may not be able to reply to them all.
Yes! I READ ALL MY EMAILS. ALL OF THEM.
(team ke saath Ladakh ki sardiyon mein khush hone ki kasam)
Have a lovely weekend and week ahead all you lovelies! :))
until next week
stay awesome | stay focused | do epic shit
warikoo